Comparisons have made me sick. Asian people love to compare. You know it, I know it. We all know of the parents who have the perfect kids and compare us to them. We know how degrading it may be. 

My older sister understands me. I applied to certain graduate schools last year and got in through the grace of God. I say “certain” because it doesn’t matter what it is. The general public would assume that anyone in their right mind would take the opportunity in a second if given the chance. But frankly, I really do not care about giving up this opportunity for a bigger happier picture. I told emily and she was like “are you kidding” because I actually never told her about it when I applied and even when I did interviews. I was fearful of rejection and having to explain it. After lots of thought, I wondered why i was so fearful of failing. It’s not because I was actually fearful of failing but it was because I was scared to be compared to a successful person. To not succeed means to be lesser. But that is not the case at all!

I had a long talk with my big sister the other night and I really opened up and told her about my doubts and what I really wanted to do with my life. I was expecting her to say “WTF, are you stupid!!” But instead she surprised me and said “Oh ok, yea I knew that it was totally not for you, just do what makes you happy, i think you’d be happy doing ___, I thought I told you this before”. And it just gave me comfort. I believe I can be more successful and happy doing something else and It’ll be up to be me to prove it.