Someone important to me called me this morning and I couldn’t go back to sleep so I might as well write cause it’s cold and I’m too lazy to get up and not tired enough to go back to sleep. Maybe I’ll get tired after this post.

The wicked in his proud countenance does not seek God; God is in none of his thoughts. Psalms 10:4 NKJV

I think through the past few weeks I’ve been improving in keeping up with my devos and trying to get closer with God. And it’s just been only good things. There’s already things that God’s been telling me to do and change. It’s just difficult to cut certain things that I have emotional investments in. I just wish there was a button I could push to just get rid of things immediately. But no, my brain is always wondering “what if..___” which is just another way of saying “I’m stupid”. Have you ever chased something so hard and then it’s just so out of reach that you just give up? I’ve given up but I get up and wonder if I could get it if I tried again. Stupid ideas flood my brain. So in times like this I just fill my time up. I try to always keep my biblegateway open on my laptop so I can periodically throughout my free time to see it and read a few verses here and there and to be honest it’s been adding up to a couple chapters daily. 

I want substance in place of popularity and feel good things. 

on a wonderful tangent:

I’ve been listening to this new song Lupe Fiasco - The Show Goes On. And it’s probably my favorite song right now lyrically and beat wise. I like how he used the sped up “float on” sample from modest mouse and it just makes the song feel just so happy. I like motivational songs cause it just gets to hit the ground running when I wake up in the mornings and throughout the day I just remember my goals. And the lyrics really have a good depth to them which is rare nowadays. 

You remember back in highschool ap english classes where they’d make you break down the poems and understand what they’re about? I do the same thing to songs and particularly Lupe fiasco songs cause every song is a story and the amount of thought put into it and to make it flow is genius and it deserves more than just to be listened to. There’s something about things with substance that lets it stay around longer whether it’s a tangible object, a piece of writing, relationships, or in this case, music. 

If something is important to you, you’ll try hard to keep it. Don’t make something a priority if you’re just and option. Story of my life.