Schizophrenia
I have periodic moments of mild schizophrenia. Some days I feel like I’m on top of the world and wanna live it up. Some days I feel like I just wanna be conservative. Some days I wanna be frugal, other days I try to spend every last penny. Some days I care deeply about life some days I just wouldn’t care if everything crashed and burned.
I wish I were satisfied with habit or balance. But I dislike balance. I hate being in the middle of things. When it’s work time, I work my ass off til I can’t keep my eyes open. When it’s play time, i’ll rage like you’ve never seen. Lazy time? You’ll never see me get out of bed the whole freakin’ day.
My only balance is God. Without God, i’d probably go off the deep-end and kill myself accidentally. It’s so hard to fit God into my lifestyle sometimes but I’m trying. I can’t let go of some of my vices cause I’m still weak but I believe in time, I can let myself go.
Simultaneously, life is so short, do you want to waste your time working and slaving away til you fall into your grave? That’s when the whole live it up part makes so much sense. What’s the point of saving up all that money and working 9-5 everyday? Not to knock those people working those jobs, but I feel like our lives and our time is worth so much more. Is our life really only worth $20-$50 an hour?? No, I believe you and I are worth so much more. Don’t do something you hate.
Our parents came from nothing to give us opportunities that they didn’t have. I don’t believe they worked so hard just so that we can do the same things they do. I’m gonna use my opportunities and make it bigger than what they imagined cause I love them so much and I believe that this is what my parents deserve for doing so much for me. Our parents didn’t bring us here to dream small and do average.
The only thing you should always be more conservative of is judging your own ability and intelligence. I believe I’m dumber and less able than the next guy so I will bust my ass til I know the other guy won’t do as much as me. So gauge your heart, gauge your capabilities and determine your path of executing your next step.
