Replaceability

I have a pretty screwed up sense of viewing friendships and relationships. Is it wrong to see people as replaceable? Not in the sense of “oh I’m better than you”, but more along the thought process of upgrading. For example, in terms of items, there is always something that is better, faster, better looking, more user friendly, more convenient, more interesting. In the realm of friendships and relationships, is it not similar? Maybe I’m being distant and viewing it as some emotionless being. 

Logically it makes sense but yet as stupid human beings we are illogical and build bridges that may be sinking us down. I liked this quote that I read recently and it stated “I’ll burn the bridges behind me to light the path ahead”. It sounds pretty brutal and heartless but is there a necessity for relationships that just hold you back and keep you limited in a cycle? Another example, friends that drink any free time that they have and view it as one of the critical ways that they celebrate or have fun. It entraps you because if those are the people you hang with, you are destined to have a similar lifestyle as a fault of relation. To be honest, I haven’t hung out with those friends in months and as a result I haven’t had a real drink in a long time and it makes my body feel great. 

Time is precious which is why I want to improve as quickly as possible and weeding out the fat in my life is critical. All people subconsciously have the same mechanisms in their head when there are certain people that they dont “click” with they automatically omit their existence in order to maintain their agenda or comfort level. I just prefer to be a bit more straight forward with myself about it. I don’t like to sleep cause I hate spending time unconscious and feel like it’s such a waste. Even if i’m tired ill push it til I go to bed out of complete exhaustion even though it’s probably not the smartest thing to do. But I feel like my quality of life is pretty high. I prefer quality over quantity of life. I remember I told some friends that if I lived til i was 50 years old, I would be happy if I could accomplish my goals and lived a respectable Godly life simultaneously. All of them say “omg will, don’t say that, 50 is so young” but I would really prefer to do that than live til 90 suffering and not accomplishing much and living a conservative life. The conservative lifestyle is really not my style at all and I’m pretty calculatedly reckless (if that makes any sense). I’m not trying to talk big cause it’s a negative thing to be so prideful and ambitious but it’s me and how can I deny my own self?

But regardless of what I say, there’s a part of me that wants to prove myself and this thought process wrong. I love my friends but I can’t help to think into the future and wonder if they’ll be there then cause there’ve been so many friends who have been grown out of already in just the past 10 years. It would much easier to just get to the future as fast as possible and deal with it when I arrive, which is why I grind so damn hard. But who knows how much I’ll change in that process. Does your worldly success have to change who you are spiritually? I pray it doesn’t.